Michael Moore's Action Plan

Michael Moore's Action DIET Plan. There... fixed that.

Yesterday Michael Moore wrote a piece that I saw on both HuffingtonPost and DemocraticUnderground. "My Action Plan: 15 Things Every American Can Do Right Now".

Now, I'm not going to even touch most of this piece. For one thing, it will be dissected and either mocked or applauded all over the blogosphere so there's no need for one more entry on his politics. Moore's pretty blatant about his socialist ideas, and none of that is new or news.

That said, there IS a bit in Moore's piece I have to address. When it comes to his politics, he's been called out for his hypocrisy before, and it doesn't phase him. But this time he's taken the "Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do" elitist nonsense to a new level. You see, in his "Action Plan" he has graciously included his "Diet Plan". Ready?

Turn off the TV and the Blackberry and go for a 30-minute walk every day. Eat
fruits and vegetables and cut down on anything that has sugar, high fructose
corn syrup, white flour or too much sodium (salt) in it (and, as Michael Pollan
says, "Eat (real) food, not too much, mostly plants").

I'm sorry. Have you seen Michael Moore? Let's have another look, shall we?

Or how about this one?

THIS is the man who says the rest of us should "Eat (real) food, not too much, mostly plants"

Are you shitting me, Michael?

We've (unfortunately) become used to the class that considers itself our betters giving advice and orders for the peons to follow, but which never seem to apply to the inner circle. We have Rangel the tax cheat setting tax policy for the rest of us. We have a president who smokes cigarettes himself but who has not called out the higher rates for smokers in the proposed health bill. We have legislators who can't be bothered to read bills they'll be voting on telling the rest of us we don't need to read the bills for ourselves (because it would force them to read the bills in order to debate us later).

And now we have this tub of guts, this poster boy for the positive points of anorexia, this morbidly obese slob who often appears to be dirty as well as fat telling the rest of us how to eat?! I don't think so.

I don't believe for a minute Michael Moore follows this plan. Not for one bloody second do I buy it. Nobody who walks 30 minutes a day and eats "(real) food, not too much, mostly plants" looks like Michael Moore. If he can prove this is what he does every day of his life as he is advising the rest of us, I'll eat one of my sneakers.

And if he DOES follow that eating plan himself and STILL looks the way he does... well, isn't that all the argument we need to NOT follow his diet advice? Considering the rest of us are almost universally smaller than Moore, wouldn't it be a terrible mistake to begin a diet regimen that would turn us all into... well... disgusting blobs?

Nope. Sorry. Not falling for it. I think Michael Moore is a hypocrite and a liar, more now than ever before. And if the diet plan he advises every American to follow is how he maintains his own... um... figure... well, he can keep following it himself and provide shade for the rest of us.

A Better "Fat Tax"

"I love to smoke... I love to smoke... I LOVE to fucking smoke! I smoke seven THOUSAND packs a day, and I am never going to quit!" -- Denis Leary

As you can probably guess, I smoke. And the above statement sums up my feelings pretty succinctly.

OK, that's not true. I twice made an effort to quit. The first time, I was asked nicely to please have a cigarette. I'm guessing I was pretty unbearable. The second time is a blog entry all by itself. But aside from those two blips, I have been smoking for a long, long time. It's my only vice. Or rather, it's the only vice I intend to discuss here. Heh. And the deepest, truest reason I carry on with a decades-old habit is simple. I love to smoke!

And you know what? I resent like hell that everytime our government has a new pet project or an old bill they can't pay, somehow I get to cover the tab! What's that about? I'm reasonably healthy, I'm not on government insurance, and I don't plan to sue anyone when my lungs turn black and shrivel. I'm tired of hearing how I am responsible for raising America's health care bills! The latest plan being bandied about actually proposes to charge me more than others for health care. And the TAXES! Good grief, I single-handedly funded NASA last year with my habit.

NOW they want to start taxing junk food. I don't each much junk food, to be honest. It's not a health-nut thing (obviously... see previous paragraphs), it's just not to my taste. But it strikes me as pretty unbalanced to tax certain foods and not others. Even though I don't agree with the cigarette taxes, at least those taxes are put directly on the people who have the health risk of smoking. We're going to tax these other things because SOME of the people who eat them are obese. How is that fair? Not everyone who eats a Twinkie is fat.

So... (fair warning - NOTHING that follows is politically correct)... Here's my proposal.

I want to see a BMI tax!

That's right. A fatass tax. And I do not mean a tax on soda, or Twinkies, or Whoppers, or any product out there that is also enjoyed by people who aren't a walking zip code. I'm talking about a tax based directly on how many extra chins you have blobbering down the front of what used to be your neck. I want to see people charged for every last nasty glob of cellulite. I want a love-handle surtax and a fine for dunlap disease. (As in: "Your belly dunlapped over the waistband of your britches.") If taxing cigarettes only punishes smokers, it is not fair to tax anyone who drinks a Coke, whether they happen to be normal sized or ...ahem... BIG.

You know the ones I'm talking about. They're the folks that take all the motorized carts (meant for the handicapped) at the grocery store because they're TOO FAT TO WALK DOWN THE AISLES. Here's a tip for ya: If your ass is too large to walk through the grocery store under your own power, you probably don't need groceries! Or consider that if you got off your ginormous ass and DID go walkabout, you might return to normal size. Being a human land mass isn't a handicap, and you shouldn't be tooling around on a device meant for people who have an actual disability.

And please... I do not want to hear the tired old screed of "gland problem". I'll grant you that some people who struggle with their weight have a medical problem. But for most of them, it's a FORK problem! Don't push past me with your scooter-cart filled with Pepsi and potato chips and then tell me you can't help it. "But, my whole family is big!", some say. Well, look how you people eat! When a four-hundred pound slab of meat is doing the family cooking, don't try to tell me you're living on veggies and tofu. "Deep-fried" and "sugar-coated" are NOT food groups.

Or my other favorite: "It costs more to eat healthy." Please. I buy groceries, OK? It's cheaper to buy a head of lettuce and a bag of carrots than a box of snack cakes and a six-pack of soda. And a gallon of water is the cheapest beverage on the shelves. You can eat junk food if you understand the concept of moderation. Processed foods might be cheaper and less nutritious, but portion control can solve most calorie problems. (Translation: Have a SERVING of fries, not the whole damn bag!)

Frankly, I find it disgusting. And horribly unfair. These people are a heart attack looking for a place to happen, and yet when I light up a smoke in front of some of them I get "Don't you know how BAD that is for you?" Yeah, Jabba... like the extra three people you're dragging around with you in your big & tall pants is a health craze. Pffft.

So keep raising the cigarette taxes. After all, part of the rationale is that it'll eventually get people to quit, right? (Then what will they do? Tax all the smokers until we quit or die, then where will all that money come from? Hey, NASA - there goes your funding!) But if you're going to tax MY bad health traits, I say we spead it around. Bring on the BMI tax! Let's tax the fatties with a sliding scale based on poundage. Then Michael Moore could fund the new health care system all by himself!

Feeling Insulted

Sigh....

I'm feeling insulted on a regular basis, and it's really beginning to piss me off.

I am against the current health care proposals. I agree completely that there are problems that need to be fixed. I think every American knows that the system needs to be improved, and most of us think ideally that all Americans should have access to medical care when we need it. But there isn't one proposal that I support completely, and at least one that I am vehemently opposed to. I figure, you don't fix a broken mirror with a hammer.

So... Now we must ask why, right? Why, oh why, can't I see that I am wrong? Don't I realize that these people know what is best for me and are going to do this for my own good? Clearly, there is something wrong with my mind-upbringing-character-soul-intelligence-

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Every day of my life, I get to be insulted. I read in the paper that I'm a racist. I see on the news that I'm an "evilmonger" (whatever the hell that means). Certain blogs have diagnosed me as clinically insane, borderline retarded or both. I learn on the radio that I am a corporate shill, and a zombie spellbound by right-wing commentators. I also have been made aware that I wasn't raised right, I'm not raising my own kids right, and the part of the country where I have always lived only matters to the elected muckety-mucks when they need some poor folks to parade around as evidence they need to do even more good deeds!

Of course, none of this is directed at me personally. And if I were to call any one of these Congress MEMBERS on it, I'm sure that would be their explanation. Why, they don't actually mean ME. Just those other people who - you know - think the exact same way I do.

Well, I'm sick of it.

I am not a racist. It's disgusting that we live in a time when a person feels they have to make such a statement. I am deeply offended every time I hear or read that my views are based on race. Skin color is, by definition, superficial. I don't judge people based on their melanin level, and it infuriates me that anyone would imply that because my own skin is fair my thoughts are not.

I am not an evilmonger. I'm still not even certain what that word means - or if it IS a word.

I am not stupid. I don't need those with a priviledged education to think for me. I'm tired of smarmy, condescending elitists talking down to ordinary people as if we were half-witted toddlers in need of competent care. And I'm at least relatively sure that I'm not insane.

I am not getting paid (unfortunately) by any corporations or insurance insiders.

I am not a ditto-head. Something else I'm not certain is a real word. I don't buy into conspiracy theories. I am not brainwashed by talk radio. Unless I've been so thoroughly programmed that I've forgotten I was programmed.

I am not a card-carrying member of The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. Independent, so I am.

So that means I am being insulted on a regular basis even though I'm more likely to be persuaded by a reasonable argument. Since I don't give a rip about party loyalty, my decisions will be made based on what seems most rational and logical to me in any given issue.

I'll tell you this: I am opposed to the health care reform as currently proposed based on the merits and flaws I see. Alienating me and pissing me off right now is NOT the way to convince me that this nightmare is in my best interests, and I've just about had it with those who seem to think they can verbally bully me into submission. I'm sick to death of being insulted EVERY SINGLE DAY. I will remember this complete lack of civility, manners and mature dialogue for many elections to come. We pay these people to insult us? No more. Not only will I personally vote against anyone I can who talks to their employers so disrespectfully, I will work hard to bring others to my way of thinking.

And I won't do it by insulting anyone.