Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Beef Jerky Got Me

Oh. My. Gawd.

I think I just threw up a little.

From The Palm Beach Post comes the story of Jabba The Hut 38 year old George Jolicoeur, who plead no contest to charges of felony petty theft.

Jolicoeur, who tips the scales at SIX HUNDRED POUNDS (thank gawd he's not in Guam, eh?), was charged for scamming stores for free food...

Scamming stores for free food? This... this... beady-eyed blob could live off his own neck fat for a month before needing to ingest a single calorie! Anyway... after purchasing food, he would complain to stores that something was wrong with it in order to get his money back. He admitting pulling this scam for at least half a dozen milkshakes and once for $50 worth of beef jerky. When arrested, he said:
"The beef jerky got me."

Looks like you got that backward there, pal. To make the story more ludicrous (as though that were possible...), it's reported that Jolicoeur was:

...too big and too sick to come to court Wednesday, so he stayed in his nursing home, and his attorney pleaded no contest on his behalf.

Ugh. He's not the only one who's sick. I just lost my appetite.

And I used to like beef jerky. Sigh...

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