Go Fish

Attention, pigmented people!

(Sorry. Let me specify. By "pigmented", I mean black, brown, yellow, red, cafe-au-lait, ochre, olive, beige... any of the range of shades that people come in other than "pasty", like myself.)

OK. Ahem. Once again...

Attention, pigmented people. I have a message from your melanin-deprived fellow humans. (Or rather, from the vast majority of us. I no more speak for all white folks than Jesse Jackson speaks for all not-white folks, "Rainbow Coalition" notwithstanding. But I'm reasonably comfortable speaking for most of us.) Here's our message:

GET OVER YOURSELF.

That's right. Drop it. Shut up about it. Move on.

See, here's the thing some of you just don't get. I (mostly we) don't care what color your skin happens to be. To me, you aren't the black corporate executive... you're just the boss. You aren't the Asian mail person... you're just the jerk who brings the light bill and never my check from Ed McMahon. You're not the Polynesian-American athlete... you're just the guy that dropped the ball. And you aren't the Latina Supreme Court Justice... you're just the new judge... or the younger judge... or, if we want to be crude, you're the fat one on the dais.

Race has always been a sensitive subject in America, but ever since Barack Obama threw his hat into the primary election ring, things have become markedly worse. It's come to the point where you can't even disagree with the President without it being racial division. (And never mind that if only the black people had voted for him he'd have lost -- since, being a minority group and all, there aren't enough black voters to elect anyone without white voters going along. That proves nothing in the new America.)

Now, we even have gajillionaire children whining that race plays a part in their unfair treatment. (That's right, LeBron. I'm calling you a child. A spoiled, immature, very rich brat.) I mean, it's clear that despite his fame, success and exorbitant wealth, LeBron James is a victim of the racist white man. (And by the way... I think it's racist that I don't have a multi-million dollar NBA contract. Forget for a minute that I smoke a pack a day, am relatively short, couldn't dunk a basketball if you put a gun to my head, and am creeping up on middle age faster than I'd prefer. I'm entitled, damn it.)

Or how about this idiot? There's a guy here in PA who is traumatized by a racist symbol he found at work. Ready for it?



Ooooooohhhhhhh! KKK! The bad ol' white man left a Klan Kut-out to send a message!

Except... wait a minute here... Klansmen aren't tapered at the bottom. And despite the victim's assertion that "whoever made it even colored in the eyes with red ink" (meaning, I guess, that they were thorough in their depiction), I don't ever remember reading that albinism was a qualification for being in the Klan. And I damn sure don't remember seeing news photos of Klansmen with red or bleeding eyes.

Well, huh. How do we explain this overt racist intimidation, then? What possible way to make sense of this obvious attempt to scare the black fella? How about...

IT'S ALMOST HALLOWEEN AND THAT'S A GHOST.

Good grief.

And then yesterday, I read a completely unbiased piece that explains everything that's wrong in the country. White America has lost its mind. Now, if you go read that, bear in mind that it's satire (which -- and I never knew this -- means being just as nasty, intellectually dishonest and insulting as you want, as long as you do it with a wink). So, if you're one of the paler members of society, don't waste time being offended by statements like: "White people have simply gone sheer f*cking insane."

I feel like I'm going sheer f*cking insane, all right. I'm being driven there... By unrelenting, unfounded accusations about my motivations, by "identity politics" and "social justice", by race baiters and assorted haters. And it's so unnecessary, really. I (like all Americans -- hell, like all humans) have been looking at various shades of people my whole life. One is the same as another. Want me to notice someone's skin color? Find me someone green. That will get my attention. For a minute. Although even the novelty of green would fade as soon as I saw a second green person, I believe.

Because I just don't care about skin tone. Most folks don't, it's as simple as that. (And for those of you would believe in your sick little hearts that I'm automatically a racist-in-denial based on my own skin tone... bite me. You're the problem.)

So please... PLEASE... can we get beyond this? Can ya just shut up about it, fer crying out loud? Stop assuming that because you have more tint than someone else, you're a victim. Stop thinking that because someone has less tint than you, they're an oppressor. I once had two cats at the same time, a brown one and a gray one. Neither one oppressed the other, neither one was a victim, and I fed them both from the same bowl. And ya know what? If I'd shaved the little suckers, underneath they'd have both been CAT. Get it?

The next time some troublemaking jackass plays the race card... just tell him to "Go Fish".

Obama: Yes We Can... borrow from those more creative than myself

Heh. Just saw this at HotAir.

Apparently Obama may have lifted his latest whine about critics. From Jimi Hendrix.

Though Obama didn’t acknowledge it, the line was a verbatim quote from “Stone Free,” the first song Hendrix wrote after moving to England in 1966. “They talk about me like a dog,” the song says. “Talkin about the clothes I wear. But they don’t realize they’re the ones who’s square.”

Amusing? Oh, yeah. Surprising? Not even a little bit.

Allahpundit wrote that "The One does like to sneak pop-culture references into his political rhetoric from time to time..."

From time to time? Are you shitting me? This guy's entire POLITICAL IDENTITY is stolen.

What has been the single, no-thought-required mantra of his entire campaign and his Presidency? What is the slogan he chose to be remembered by? What is his message?

YES WE CAN!

And now, ladies and gentlemen... The Pointer Sisters:



And now... the lyrics:

Now's the time for all good men
to get together with one another.
We got to iron out our problems
and iron out our quarrels
and try to live as brothers.

And try to find a piece of land
without stepping on one another.
And do respect the women of the world.
Remember you all have mothers.

We got to make this land a better land
than the world in which we live.
And we got to help each man be a better man
with the kindness that we give.

I know we can make it.
I know darn well we can work it out.
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
Yes we can can, why can't we?
If we wanna get together we can work it out.

And we gotta take care of all the children,
the little children of the world.
'cause they're our strongest hope for the future,
the little bitty boys and girls.

We got to make this land a better land
than the world in which we live.
And we got to help each man be a better man
with the kindness that we give.

I know we can make it.
I know darn well we can work it out.
Oh yes we can, I know we can can
yes we can can, why can't we?
If we wanna, yes we can can.
------

I'm not convinced this national embarassment President has ever had an original thought. Gawd help us, we're being led by someone whose entire personal and political philosophy has been "borrowed" from pop culture. America has actually elected a President with less depth than Paris Hilton. If it weren't so sad it would be funny.

h/t to (of all things) Stephen King. That's right, Stephen King. And to Henry... who only wanted something mindless to block out the Grayboys.

See that? We're living in a horror novel. Or the 70's.
Either way....

My Thoughts On The Ground Zero Mosque

While the rest of the world ignores the topic, focusing instead on Snooki and steroids in baseball, I've been giving a lot of thought to the so-called "Ground Zero Mosque".

Yeah, right. This story is everywhere, and everyone is chiming in. When I opened my email this morning, no less than half of my new mail was somehow related to this topic. Either emailed news reports, or the always helpful and enlightening (/sarc) chain emails one gets from friends and family promoting their side of the hot-topic-du-jour.

For my part, I've been quietly turning the issue over in my mind. There are so many facets to this, and I'm one of those folks who tends to overthink anyway...

And now, my kids are asking about it. Turning to me for my opinion as compared to what they're seeing and hearing in the media and real life. I've had to organize my thoughts, and come up with my best answers for them. So... here's the result of my mental gymnastics, and the gist of how I handled it when I had to present a coherent and reasonable as possible viewpoint to the people who matter most to me. Ahem...

To my mind, there's no question whatsoever as to whether the developers of this would-be Islamic community center have the constitutional right to practice their faith. In fact, I've yet to see a single article stating that they don't. (Although I saw ONE comment on an article suggesting we ban the building of all mosques in America.) And personally, I'm that rare atheist who believes people of faith should be left alone to follow and practice their faith, regardless of the recipient of their prayers.

But... BUT... As many have said in the past weeks, having the right to do something doesn't make it the right thing to do. Take Fred Phelps. Or Code Pink, for that matter. These are people who disgust me with their views and actions. Yes, they have the constitutional right to their views and their displays. No, I would not advocate stifling them. But I do wish they would discover the concept of simple human decency and stop their hurtful behaviors.

Not gonna happen. Apparently, not in New York, either. Next argument.

While 9/11 was national - no... global - it was first (for New York) local. And I'll be frank, I don't know a single person who was lost on that day. While I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing and the fear of the moment, I did not suffer personal loss. I've never even been to New York. That makes it extremely difficult to put myself in the shoes of someone touched on a personal level by 9/11. But that's what I had to do, what we've all had to do.

After thinking about this, reading about this, hearing about this and finally, being asked by my most important audience about this, I've reverted to my initial gut reaction upon first learning about the proposed mosque/center/gym/national ass-ache.

THIS is the first thing that came to my mind. THIS is the mental picture that accompanied the news. And THIS is why I ultimately told my kids I think it's a bad thing... and that while I'm not a New Yorker, I don't think I'd want to deal with this mosque:



This is what happens when a brain dead bureaucrat schedules a photo-op involving a jet and New York. And this screams to me (as it did on the day this little gem first hit the news) that New Yorkers haven't healed. America hasn't healed.

It's the very first thing I thought of. And it's the image that returns to my mind every time I consider the mosque. I can't get past it. While I'm sure there are deeper considerations and subleties I haven't thought of, those frightened citizens running and screaming as their nightmare flies overhead sums up the entire issue for me.

Aussie Man Loses Chunks Of Flesh From Birth Defect

A drunken Aussie lost chunks of flesh in a freak accident caused by complications from a birth defect.

What kind of horrific birth defect could cause a grown man to suddenly, painfully lose great gobbets of meat from his leg?

Ginormous balls.

........................................

In related news, Fatso the saltwater croc chomped an anonymous drunken idiot victim who climbed on his back for a ride. That's right. Climbed on his back for a ride.



The BBC reports that the 36-year-old man, who had already been thrown out of one drinking establishment for his... ahem... level of intoxication, climbed over a fence and sat on the croc.

"Fatso has taken offense to this and has spun around and bit this man on the right leg," Sgt Roger Haynes of Broome police told journalists.

The moron victim underwent surgery and is expected to survive. No word on the condition of his ginormous balls.

This Is OBSCENE!

What is obscene?

Well... It depends on your definition of what the word is is.

Sorry. Wrong bit of self-serving claptrap. But the legal definition of obscene isn't much clearer than that answer. It pretty much boils down to "Depends on who you ask." Nobody asked me, but I'm gonna give you my opinion anyway.

What I consider obscene is that in 2010, the federal government is still bothering to prosecute folks on obscenity charges.

I saw this at ReasonOnline. Did a bit of googling to see if there's other coverage, but the great bulk of it seems to be (understandably) in the adult video sites and forums. Some interesting search results, to put it mildly. Anyways...

John Stagliano is the owner of Evil Angel, which produces and distributes adult videos. You know... Porn.

And he's currently being prosecuted under federal obscenity laws.

Surely there's more to this, right? It can't be possible that in this day and age the federal government has nothing better to do than prosecute people for making dirty movies, right?

Maybe it's because he's exploiting children...? Nope. The movies star and are made for adults.

Maybe it's a violent snuff film...? Nope. Consenting participants.

Maybe, since obscenity is determined by community values, he had upstanding citizens complain to the feds...? Nope. The films were special ordered by the FBI and paid for by you & I.

So where's the problem?

The movies have been determined to be "yucky" by the standards of some self-righteous prig somewhere who happens to hold a gubment position. While I've not watched (Yeah, slacking in my journalistic credibility by not doing all my research), I think the titles were probably enough to set off the yucky-meter for some: "Milk Nymphos" and "Storm Squirters 2: Target Practice".

So... probably not to everybody's taste. I can't imagine my grandmother renting them - not that I'd judge her if she did, mind you - but obscene? Really? Worthy of FEDERAL prosecution?

I'm assuming the feds have balanced the budget. No? How about ended the wars? No again? Hmmm. Cured cancer then, at the very least?

I admit, I'm biased. I could give a damn less what consenting adults do (or watch) in their own homes. I don't see porn as the dire threat to morality that some claim it is. I believe sex addiction is horseshit, and any grown adult claiming they are a suffering victim is truly just a cad with no willpower who refuses to give their frontal lobe control over their brain. I think women who protest strip clubs as a danger to the community are in denial over where the true problem lies. And I think prostitution should be legal and regulated.

But I do find some thing obscene...

I find it obscene that with very real problems facing our country, and a serious economic condition, we're wasting time and tax dollars prosecuting someone for making dirty movies.

I find it obscene that small-minded individuals still want to mind other peoples' business.

And I find it obscene that something made by adults, with adults and for adults - with no acknowledged harm to anyone involved - is considered criminal activity in the first place.

Blah... Blah... BLOG...

Did you ever take something you really, really enjoyed, and just fuck it up totally?

You know...? When you let it go from moderation to obsession? Or when you allow a slight change to snowball until you have something entirely different than you started with?

NO? Well, I did. My little blog here.

See, I'm kind of a politics and current events junkie. I love to pour a pot or two of coffee down my throat in the mornings, and surf the web. Originally, this blog was to be the repository for all the things I saw out there that made me scratch my head (or facepalm) and wonder "What the hell is wrong with people?"

I surfed without discriminating. I've spent as many hours reading DemocraticUnderground and DailyKos as I have The Other McCain and Hot Air. I've also wasted logged countless hours on such mindless drivel as TMZ and PopEater. I love to read - I'll literally read almost anything - and the internet is a vast source to read all manner of interesting and ridiculous stuff.

Somehow, I got caught up in conservative blogging. Now, I have nothing against conservative blogs or bloggers. Rather, I enjoy them... it just wasn't my original intention to join the ranks. I'm more libertarian than I am strictly conservative under most definitions anyway. (A notable exception would be the definition of conservatism I learned at The-Classic-Liberal, where the idea of true conservatism is a lot closer to libertarianism than the GOP might approve... The-CL is a blogger I admire a lot and have learned from. I most often finish his pieces feeling like I didn't know as much as I thought I knew, if ya follow.)

Anyway...

I got too caught up. I made something that had been fun into a drudge (no pun intended). I was starting to feel like Mickey Mouse, when he casts a spell to set the mops and brooms to working. Next thing you know, everything is out of control, and I'm avoiding the blog like I'd avoid a call from the boss on a Sunday afternoon when I'm supposed to be scheduled off.

Not even Peta has been able to draw me back lately. And the little things that amuse me that I wanted to capture have also lost their appeal. Even the Jaws-themed posts have jumped the shark. (See what I did there? heh.)

And politics has begun to annoy me.

I've always been more of a natural critic than a cheerleader anyway. I'm cynical, and rather than a glass-half-full or glass-half-empty type I've been more of a "Hey-somebody-took-half-my-freakin-water" person. And BOY, did somebody drain the cup this time!

The current administration sucks. The prospects to be offered by the "Other Party" don't look any better. Fer Gawds Sake, Rick Santorum wants to run. Depressing. Mitt Romney? Mike Huckabee? Yuck. And I'm sick of Sarah Palin. There - I said it.

I'm mailing out the papers today to change my registration back to Independent. That probably only matters to me. I switched because I would have otherwise been denied the chance to vote in the primary. But I'm feeling surly and disillusioned, and equally irritated by both parties. I've decided that I'll choose a party before each primary, and then go back to Indy before the general elections.

And I'm done trying to be a cheerleader. I don't have the legs for the little skirts anyway.

Will I lose readers? I dunno. I don't know if I have any readers. I haven't even looked at my traffic in months. I do know that I enjoyed blogging more when I didn't give a rip, so maybe that's the secret right there.

Mary Beth, Don't Go Away Mad... Mary Beth, Just GO AWAY!

So...

Last Tuesday, Mary Beth Buchanan got... well... THUMPED here in PA4, and I haven't even been on to gloat celebrate.

I don't have an excuse. Demands on my time have, shall we say "evolved", and I'm still trying to adjust. But now that I have an extra minute or two, please allow me to say a respectful, sincere:

WOOHOO! ALL RIGHT! TOO SWEET! EXCELLENT!

OK. Got that out of my system. (Yeah, right. I was practically dancing a jig around the living room on election night, and have found myself giddy at odd moments ever since. And if you don't grasp why, go read my piece about her when she announced for the race. This is a victory in more ways than one.)

Now it's on to November, and nothing more will be heard from my less-than-favorite former U.S. Attorney. Hopefully. From PA2010's coverage:

After delivering a concession speech and thanking her supporters, Buchanan hugged her husband and told him she’d have a second glass of wine.

Yep. Pour me one, too, Sweetheart! I don't drink... but for THIS, I'll make an exception!

A special "Thank You" to anyone who responded to my post and helped (or just went to learn about) her opponent, Keith Rothfus. He's been called a "true Tea Party conservative", and his win has saved me from voting for Altmire in the fall. I don't agree with the guy on everything, but he was the better candidate, and I'm glad he won. By a 2-1 margin, no less.

Looking forward to November, and hoping we see similar upsets all over America!

-------------
UPDATED to apologize...

I don't know what the hell is going on with my fonts. I've edited three times, and it keeps coming out all wonky. (No, I didn't have that wine. We'll blame Blogger.)

You're Gonna Need A Bigger... Kid?

I give up.

This post may represent the death of the "You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat" bits. I can't see how to top this.

I saw this at Treehugger.com (Yes, I read Treehugger.com. Don't you?) and I gotta be honest. I sorta want one. Not for my kids, but for me. It fits my sense of humor, if ya dig.

(Photo courtesy PatchTogether)

It's a shark sleeping bag. And it's available for the bargain basement price of $199 from PatchTogether.com. Although I gotta be honest (again)... I'm a cheap ass by nature, and a $200 stuffed animal that I can sleep in probably isn't gonna happen.

From the product description (emphasis mine):

In an effort to make sharks (a very misunderstood animal that also happens to be one of my favorites) more cuddly, I designed and produced a prototype for the ChumBuddy.

See, that's where they screwed up. They wanted to make sharks "cuddly". Blech. If they'd gone for full-out realism with bloody teeth and all, I'd have had the Visa card out before common sense (or homicidal spouse) could have stopped me. But they had to get cutesy.



It almost reminds me of the TaunTaun sleeping bag from ThinkGeek. Except even though they went the kinda-cutesy route, they were smart enough to stay true to the film. (For those of you who don't remember, Luke slices open his trusty mount and sleeps in its guts to stay warm.) Check out the liner on the TaunTaun bag:

(Photo courtesy ThinkGeek.com)

Heh. See that? TaunTaun guts. Whoever invented the shark bag should have had a scuba fin sticking out of the teeth or something if they wanted my $200.

(No, I don't have the damn TaunTaun bag, either. I retain some sanity. Maybe. Or I just don't have enough disposable income to indulge my inner eight-year-old... You decide.)

-----------------
VERY loosely related posts:

• You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat
• You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat 2.0
• You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat Part 3
• You're Gonna Need A Bigger -- Ahhh, Never Mind

And looking at that list, I think I'm Gonna Need Some New Material....

You're Gonna Need A Bigger -- Ahhh Never Mind

Forget the boat.




I am at a rare loss for words.


---------------
Loosely related:

• You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat
• You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat 2.0
• You're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat Part 3

Peta Protects Pretend Pets

... or something.

So now we know what it takes to draw me out of hibernation. Peta.

No big shock there. I may have mentioned once or twice how I feel about Peta. But they're even more brain-cramp-inducing than even I imagined.

They've bullied convinced Facebook to take the pit bulls out of the game Mafia Wars.

Now, I don't play Mafia Wars. Or the farm thing. Or the fish thing. In fact, I rarely go to my personal page at all, and I pay zero attention to all the critters and weaponry and what have you that my so-called friends keep sending me. (If you're reading this and have sent me a fish or a hatchet or something... I'm sorry. But stop it. Seriously, I'm sick of scrolling past that crap when I make the mistake of thinking I'll spend five minutes checking on old friends.)

Anyway, I've seen other people play the game. And I know you win stuff that helps you progress or raise a level or whatever. The pit bulls are apparently one of those deals. But that's not the point. The point is... They. Are. Not. Real. Dogs.

I think veganism must affect the brain. Maybe all that Tofurkey and soy makes you... well... insane. These are not dogs. They are imaginary. They are little blips of electricity. They are -- never mind.

To add insult to injury, Peta announced it will be:

"...sending vegan chocolates to Zynga founder and CEO Mark Pincus to thank him for his compassionate decision."

GAH! Vegan chocolate? These people can ruin anything.