Wednesday, December 15, 2010

From the mouths of babes

OK. I know I've mentioned I have kids... a whole passel of them. Have I also mentioned (do I need to?) that they're a pack of feisty, opinionated creatures?

Have I mentioned that they're trash mouths? No? Well... for good or bad, they speak much the way I do. Which means they can make a sailor blush. I take a very practical stance on their profanity: They curse to each other, but not at each other. Maybe some folks don't get the distinction. My own mother refers to us (myself, my spouse, my offspring) as the Osbourne Family.

Regardless, my kids are permitted to yell "Shit!" if they stub a toe, but are not allowed to direct their naughty words at their fellow human beings. (I think the harm is in the intent, not the word.) It's a rule that works for us.

So imagine my amused alarm when I had to correct the six year old for this. She was watching television, and Michelle Obama's anti-obesity/get moving PSA came on. (I can't find the one I mean online, or I'd share.) Anyway, this PSA infuriates her. It's almost funny, as the supposed-grown-up, to watch her completely blow her cool every time the thing comes on. But this story is about the first time she saw it.....

I hear, from the living room "Why don't you try it yourself, lady?!" Then some random grumbles. Then "FAT ASS!"

At this point, I get involved. "Honey, you're not allowed to call people ugly names. Who are you yelling at?"

And the response: "The President's wife! Why is she on TV anyway? And she's saying we shouldn't eat some foods and talking about fat. She's fat! Ugly old fat ass!"

My reply: "Whoa! Young lady! You are NOT allowed to talk like that!"

And her priceless reply: "But have you seen the size of her butt? Why is she on TV telling me what I should eat?! I'm not fat! She's fat!"

I couldn't come up with a single coherent argument. My daughter is right. While she happens to be thin and trim, there's this woman with... uh... extra rumpage telling her to eat better and move more. And interrupting the cartoons to do so.

I was reduced to granting her that yes, she may be correct... but no, she still isn't allowed to call people fat ass.

She now refers to the First Lady as "Mrs. Big Butt". I keep quiet.

That's my girl. She may not be big enough to speak her mind with impunity... but she knows a hypocrite when she sees one! I have hope for the future...

Updated 12/17 9:07pm:

I just shamelessly lifted this from JammieWearingFool (where Just A Grunt freely admits to shamelessly lifting it from a liberal site).

OK... let me admit right up front... I'm sick. Heh.

My six-year-old was nearby, and I called her over to have a look at the picture on JammieWearingFool. I asked, "Honey, do you know who that is?"

She replies with a sweet grin, "Mm-hmm. Michelle Obama."

And before I could utter another syllable, she points to the screen and says:

"Fat ass! See! Look at that big butt! What?! It's not my fault she's fat! She's got a big ass head, too! Look at head! Big butt, big head! She looks like a potato!"

I had to send her away from the computer so I wouldn't laugh my ass off in front of her.

A potato? Hoo boy.

No comments: