Vegetables Are People, Too!

Or something like that.

There's a piece in yesterday's NYT titled "Sorry, Vegans: Brussels Sprouts Like to Live, Too".

The gist of the article is that plants have not only "actions" but defense mechanisms.  The fact that they have natural defenses against being eaten is to be taken as proof plants "want" to survive.

Twisted thing that I am, this article had immediate associations for me.  As I read about plants sensing damage to their leaves and beginning the repair process - or producing volatile chemicals to defend from predators - I heard something....
(And no, I'm not channeling Maureen Dowd.)


I heard a shotgun.  I heard music.  I heard "Disgustipated" by Tool:

And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber.
And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself.
And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest.
And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil.
One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear.
And terror possesed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?"
And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!
You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust."
And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!"

Here's the video.  Content warning.



Save the carrots!  No broccoli, No Peas!  Can I get a hallelujah?  Preach it, Brother Maynard!